As we've explored, consent is about way more than just saying 'yes' or 'no.' Consent is a shared feeling that everyone involved participates in creating. Creating the feeling of consent is a fluid process with a lot of moving parts, but it can also be as simple as asking a question, waiting for an authentic answer, and respecting the response.

Saying 'yes' and 'no' are not the only parts of consent, but they're still important parts. Receiving a 'no' gracefully is an especially important skill.

Below are some exercises to help you with giving and receiving 'yes', 'no', and 'maybe.'

Awareness Exercise:

Start noticing when you say 'yes,' 'no,' and 'maybe' to things. What is your body experiencing when you do it? What makes it easier or harder to do? Are there some people it's easy to respond authentically to, no matter the answer? Are there some people it's easier to say 'yes' to than 'no'? Vice versa? If you want, take some time to journal about your feelings and the patterns you notice.

Somatic (Body-based) Exercise:

Think of a time you really wanted to say 'yes' to something. Notice the sensations that come up in your body. Follow the sensations and see if there are any movements you want to make. Finally, purposely create a body movement, hand gesture, facial expression, or combination of all of the above to reflect that feeling of 'yes.' It can be exaggerated and silly or very subtle. Do whatever you want. When you're ready, repeat the previous steps for a time you really wanted to say 'no.'

Take care not to linger on any difficult memories for the next part of this exercise, and skip it if you want.

Repeat the steps above for a time you said 'yes', but you really meant 'no.' Lastly, go through the exercise for a time you said 'no,' but you really wanted to say 'yes.' For additional practice, try moving between each of these states. Do you notice anything interesting about the in-between places?

Bonus partnered exercise: Find a partner (a friend, family member, or intimate partner) and be witnessed going through the state shifts of 'yes, 'no,' "said 'yes,' but meant 'no,'" and "said 'no,' but wanted to say 'yes.'" Then share what it was like to communicate these feelings without words and ask your partner what they noticed.

Saying 'Yes,' 'No,' and 'Maybe':

1. Saying 'Yes':

• Stand in front of a mirror and relax for a moment.
• Try saying 'yes' in a few different ways:
  • Go for a confident "Yes!"
  • Try a laid-back "Yeah!"
  • Throw in a nod while saying "okay."
• Explore and find what feels right and natural in your body.
  

2. Saying 'No':

• Continuing to stand in front of a mirror, next try saying 'no':
  • Firm and strong: "No!"
  • Quiet but firm: "No."
  • Add a hand gesture if it helps.
  • Mix it up with "No, thanks," "I can't do it," or "Nope!"
• Again, take your time exploring until you find a way of saying 'no' that makes you feel confident.
  

3. Saying 'Maybe':

• Lastly, let's practice 'maybe.' Try different versions:
  • Say "maybe" thoughtfully, like you're thinking it over.
  • Raise an eyebrow or look contemplative.
  • Try out variations like "I'll think about it"; "I'm not sure yet," and "I need more time to decide."
• Notice any discomfort and consider ways that can help you get comfortable expressing your uncertainty or need for more information. Remember, you have the right to slow down and take the time you need to make decisions that are best for you.
  

Remember, good communication isn't just about words; it's also about how you say them and what your body says. Start in the mirror and then practice with someone you trust to give you honest feedback. Eventually, you'll build the confidence to respond authentically and effectively in all kinds of situations.

Receiving 'No' and 'Maybe':

The first step to learning to accept someone's authentic answer, even if it's not what you want to hear, is to remind yourself of their autonomy. Their decision is what's best for them. Try not to read into their decision and take it personally. Know that you have your reasons for saying 'no' and 'maybe' and they have theirs.

The next step is to learn to respond to 'no' and 'maybe' with gratitude. Someone is sharing something that could be difficult. Responding with gratitude lets them know you appreciate their effort to be honest.

• Practice saying "Thanks for your boundary" in response to both clear and ambiguous noes.
• Practice saying "Thank you for taking the time you need to decide" in response to both clear and ambiguous maybes.

It may feel awkward at first, but the more you practice, the more it will become second nature.

Lastly, roleplay with a trusted partner scenarios where you know it may be difficult for you to receive a 'no' or 'maybe'. First respond naturally, noticing what you're prone to saying, including things like "Why not?"; "Are you sure?" and "Come on!"

Ask yourself about the feelings behind those statements. Are you feeling disappointment or a sense of urgency? You're allowed to feel how you feel, so acknowledge the feeling and give yourself space to process it. Consider ways that you can do that without saying things that could pressure someone to change their answer or respond before they're ready. That might include taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or taking a break away from the interaction.

Then roleplay the same scenario, but this time, try responding with gratitude. Ask your partner how it felt to be responded to in that way. Continue practicing with different scenarios. Some practice scenarios are below:

• You ask to vent to someone and they say 'no'
• You ask someone for $5 and they say 'no'
• You ask for a hug and they say 'no'
• You ask to go out to dinner sometime and they say 'maybe'
• You ask for feedback on something and they say 'maybe later'
• You ask to cuddle and they say 'maybe'

What did you think of these exercises? Are you feeling more prepared to practice consent? Let us know in the comments!