In order to understand what consent is, we need to talk about the way we think about consent first. And that means we need to talk about cognitive bias and a specific type called binary bias.

Let's start with defining cognitive bias.

Cognitive bias is a systematic error in thinking, shaping our perception of the world in an inaccurate way, sometimes leading to irrational behavior.

Cognitive biases are really normal - everybody has them. Many of them help us quickly make sense of the sometimes overwhelming amount of information our brains and bodies receive. As much as we may want to imagine we are perfectly logical creatures, cognitive biases show that humans use mental shortcuts to judge reality, and that sometimes produces illogical results.

Now let's look more closely at binary bias.

Binary bias is a type of cognitive bias in which we tend to group data into two categories and define them by their differences. Nuance gets lost in this process.

Binary bias is especially reinforced by the English language. English speakers learn early on that things are either good or bad and you either like something or don’t like it. That quickly leads to extremes, speaking about things you like and don’t like in terms of love and hate. So it's not uncommon in English-speaking places to hear both adults and very small children saying things like “I love dogs and I hate cats!" even though there are probably things they don't like about dogs and do like about cats (and what's up with the binary between cats and dogs anyway?)

Some of the binaries that are created around the topic of consent include:

• Yes / No
• Active / Passive
• Right / Wrong
• Good / Bad
  

Many people immediately think of consent in terms of 'yes' or 'no'. This often creates undue pressure and weight on these words, while also giving the impression that consent is simply about one person asking and another person answering.

For example, when giving guidance on practicing consent, some people may tell you, “Anything other than a 'yes' is a 'no'!” But it's actually pretty normal for people to not use the word 'yes' and instead to say things like 'ok' or 'sure' and still be consenting. Nuance.

Some people may say “It needs to be an enthusiastic 'yes' or it’s a 'no'!” But enthusiasm looks different on everybody, and sometimes when we're stressed, scared, or want to fit in, we can pretend to be enthusiastic when we're not. So relying on the word 'yes' to establish consent (even when it seems enthusiastic) has some issues with it. Again, nuance.

When it comes to the word 'no', people often use it to define the difference between consensual and non-consensual behavior. For example, the first question many will ask when confronted with a story that may involve sexual assault is “Well, did they say no?” But it's actually very common for someone to not say "no" during a sexual assault. 'No' can be a difficult word for people to say in normal circumstances, let alone in stressful or traumatizing ones. So there are some serious issues with relying on the word 'no' to establish a consent violation, especially a sexual one.

The words that people use to answer questions are only one part of the process of establishing consent. Everyone involved in an interaction has the responsibility to ask questions (of others and of themselves), to give authentic answers, and to negotiate different choices. This is all made more complicated by the power dynamics involved.

Within this course, we are not attempting to teach people how to do consent the “right” way - we are here to provide tools that will help lower your risk of violating consent. We will, however, cover some things that are almost always "wrong" - meaning the risk of violating consent is pretty much guaranteed.

No matter how much you practice consent, no one can guarantee they will never violate consent in any way.

We at the Consent Academy don’t believe that violating consent automatically makes you a bad person. Conversely, we also don't believe that anyone can be considered a perfectly good or safe person just because they practice consent. We all have a responsibility to practice consent and to take accountability when (not if) we violate consent, no matter how minor.

In summary:

• Practicing consent is not a binary process where one person is active and another person is passive. Everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions and participate to the best of their ability in a process of discovery, communication, and negotiation.
• The process of consent is not as simple as people saying 'yes' or 'no', especially in sexual situations.
• Consent is not something that "good" people inherently understand how to practice well. Consent violations are not something that only "bad" people cause.
• When practicing consent, the focus shouldn't be on being perfect and always doing the "right" thing, but rather on how can we all work to lower the risk of consent violation for everyone involved.

How do you feel about a practice of anti-binary bias? Can you identify how binary bias has affected the way you have thought about consent? Let us know in the comments!